"Lx-nay." "lx-nay."
I'm looking for a murderer.
A rabbit.
A Toon rabbit...
about yea big.
Look...
there's no rabbit here, so don't harass my customers.
I didn't come here to harass. I came here to reward.
Hey. I seen a rabbit.
- Where? - See?
- Where? - He's right here in the bar.
Say "hello," Harvey.
I told you so.
"The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down."
Quite a loony selection for a group of drunken reprobates.
He's here!
Stop that laughing!
Have you forgotten what happened last time?
If you don't stop this laughing, you're gonna end up dead...
just like your idiot hyena cousins!
Say, boss, you want we should "disresemble" the place?
No, Sergeant. Disassembling the place won't be necessary.
The rabbit is going to come right to me.
No Toon can resist the old "Shave and a Haircut" trick.
I don't know who's toonier... you or Doom.
Roger!
Ro... Roger.
Roger, no!
Roger, don't...
Shave and a haircut
Two bits
Hey, Judge, what should we do with the wallflower?
We'll see to him later.
Right now I feel like dispensing some justice.
Bring me some dip.
Does the condemned have anything to say before his sentence is carried out?
Why, yeah. I...
Dolores, a bourbon, and make it a double.
A fine time for a drink, Eddie. Maybe you'd like a bowl of pretzels to go with it!
Pour the drink, Dolores.
Hey, Judge!
Doesn't a dying rabbit deserve a last request?
Yeah! Nose plugs would be nice.
I think you want a drink.
- How 'bout it, Judge? Huh? - Well, why not.
I don't mind prolonging the execution.
- Happy trails. - No thanks, Eddie. I'm tryin' to cut down.
- Drink the drink! - But I don't want the drink. - He doesn't want the drink.
- He does! - I don't! - You do!
- I don't!
- You don't.
- I do! - You don't! - I do! - You don't!
Listen, when I say "I do," that means I do!
Gotcha, kid.
Come on, Eddie, let's get out of here!
Move it, pops! Yikes!
That was quick thinkin', Eddie. Nothing like using the old spine flower...
- the wise noodle, the smart puddin'... - Roger!
- Yikes! - Let's use this! - Stop, will ya?
- Let's get out of here! What are you waitin' for? - There's no damn key!
Hey, you weasels, let me out of here, will ya? Come on!
- I've got to make a livin'! - Benny, is that you?
No, it's Eleanor Roosevelt. Come on, Roger! Get me out of here!
Eddie, we got ourselves a ride! Open the doors!
Ah, that's better. I can't believe they locked me up for driving on the sidewalk.
Come on, Eddie. Get in!
- It was just a couple of miles. - I'll drive!
- But I wanna drive! - No, I'll drive!
I'm the cab. Out of my way, pencil neck!
How about this weather, huh?
- It never rains! - Would you beat it!
They've sprung the cab! Let's go!
And how about those Brooklyn Dodgers? Are they bums, or what?
Move over. I'm drivin'!
Benny, Eddie, we got company!
Will you look at these two? Excuse me, ladies!
Now that's what I call a couple of road hogs.
- I'm gonna blow his head off. - Benny, look out for the Red Car!
Benny, there's cops right behind us!
Not for long, Roger.
- No! - Now they're right in front of us.
Eddie, we're goin' backwards. Turn us around.
Give me the wheel. Give me the wheel!
- The cops are still on our tail! - I know the cops are on our tail!
What do you think I am? Be... Benny! No. No!
- Pull the lever! - Which one? - Which one?
Which one?
I'm gonna ram 'em.
What the heck?
I'm gettin' too old for this!
- Jumpin' jeepers! - Hey, Roger, what do you call the middle of a song?
Gee, I don't know. A bridge!
- Well, fellas, where can I drop ya? - Yeah. Somewhere we can hide.
I got just the place. And incidentally...
if you should ever need a ride, just stick out your thumb.
Hey, share the road, will ya, lady?
Oh. Well, that wasn't so bad, was it?
Boy, did you see that? Nobody takes a wallop like Goofy.
What timing, what finesse! What a genius!
Ouch!
- We're supposed to be hiding. What's wrong with you? - Ow!
What's wrong with you? You're the only person in this theatre that isn't laughing.
Is there nothing that can permeate your impervious puss?
Hey, Eddie! Boy, nothin'.
What could've possibly happened to you to turn you into such a sourpuss?
You want to know? I'll tell you.
- A Toon killed my brother. - A Toon? No.
That's right. A Toon.
We were investigating a robbery at the First National Bank of Toontown.
Back in those days, me and Teddy liked working Toontown.
We thought it was a lot of laughs. Huh.
Anyway, this guy...
got away with a zillion simoleons.
Huh.
We trailed him to a little dive down on Yockster Street.
We went in.
Only he got the drop on us, literally.
Dropped a piano on us from 15 stories.
Broke my arm.
Teddy never made it.
I never did find out who that guy was.
All I remember was...
he was standin' over me, laughin'...
with those burnin' red eyes...
and that high, squeaky voice.
He disappeared into Toontown after that.
No wonder you hate me.
If a Toon killed my brother, I'd hate me too!
Come on, don't cry. I don't hate you.
- Yes, you do. - No, I don't.
You do hate me. Otherwise you wouldn't have yanked my ears all those times.
Well, I'm... I'm... I'm sorry I yanked your ears.
All the times you yanked my ears?
- All the times I yanked your ears. - Apology accepted.
Put 'er there, pal. I feel better. Oh, boy!
I hope it's another cartoon!
Jeepers, another stupid newsreel.
I hate the news.
- Did you get all my stuff? - Yes.
It's all packed up in the car outside.
Would have been here right after you called, but I had to shake the weasels.
Yeah. I'm sorry about the trouble in the bar.
Oh, hell. Stuffing olives for a living wasn't for me anyway.
Dolores?
You oughta find yourself a good man.
But I already have a good man.
P-P-P-P-Please, don't mind me.
You better get going, Eddie.
A near miss, but this miss says that's as good as a smile.
- California Cloverleaf... - Glad Teddy's not here to see me running away...
- with my tail between my legs. - It's not so bad, once you get used to it.
The Pacific Red Car trolley line and the venerated Maroon Cartoon Studios.
Here, R.K. Maroon is seen clinching the deal...
with Cloverleaf's bankers and execs...
in one of the biggest real estate deals ever in California history.
- That's it! - Three-and-a-half million dollars...
That's the connection!
Let's forget it. There's nobody here.
- Is that it, or are you scared? - P-P-P-P-Please! Me, scared?
Don't be ridiculous.
When you called Maroon, you told him you had the will, but you don't.
When he finds out, he's gonna be mad.
He might try to kill ya.
I can handle a Hollywood cream puff. I just don't want the odds to change.
Now, you cover my back.
And if you hear or see anything, beep the horn twice.
Yeah, that's it. Beep the horn twice. Cover your back.
Boy, I'm ready. Dukes up, eyes peeled, ears to the ground.
Why, nobody gets the drop on Roger Rabbit.
- What's up, Doc? - Valiant, what are you trying to do, give me a heart attack?
You need a heart before you can have an attack.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got the will?
Sure. I got the will.
The question is, do you have the way?
'Cause I can tell you now it ain't gonna come cheap.
You got a lot of brass coming up here by yourself.
Who said I'm here by myself?
Let me see that will.
- I told you, I got it. - I want to see it now!
"How do I love thee? Let me count the ways"?
- This supposed to be a joke? - No, this is.
Get up! Come on.
What are you gonna do to me, Valiant?
I'm gonna listen to you spin the Cloverleaf scenario.
A story of greed, sex and murder.
And the parts that I don't like, I'm gonna edit out.
You got it all wrong! I'm a cartoon maker, not a murderer!
Everybody's got to have a hobby.
Stop it. Stop it! Stop it!
The truth is, I had a chance to sell my studio...
but Cloverleaf wouldn't buy my property unless Acme sold them his.
The stubborn bastard wouldn't sell, so I was gonna blackmail Acme with pictures of him and the rabbit's wife.
Blackmail, that's all! I've been around Toons all my life!
- I didn't want to see 'em destroyed! - Toons destroyed? Why?
- If I tell ya, I'm a dead man. - You're a dead man if you don't tell me.
Unless Acme's will shows by midnight tonight...
Toontown's going to be live for the free...
Roger!
- Wha... What the... - Yeah, what in Sam Hill...
Eddie Valiant! Well, you're a sight for sore eyes!
I ain't seen you in nigh on to five years.
- Where've you been? - Drunk.
- You feeling frisky tonight, fellas? - Yeah!
- Let's go. - Ya-hoo!
Smile, darn ya, smile
You know, this old world is a great world after all
Smile, darn ya, smile
And right away watch lady luck pay you a call
Things are never black as they are painted
- Time for you and joy to get acquainted - Hi, Eddie!
Hi, Eddie! Hi, Eddie! Bye, Eddie!
Tallyho! Tallyho! Ha-ha!
Get out of here!
Going up, sir.
Mind the step, sir.
Hold on, sir.
Your floor, sir.
Have a good day, sir.
Ah, gotcha.
A man!
Yoo-hoo, lover boy! It's Lena Hyena!
Oh, no!
- Oh, "wook," piggies. - Hi, Tweety.
This "wittle" piggy went to market. This "wittle" piggy stayed home.
- No. - This "wittle" piggy had roast beef.
And this "wittle" piggy had...
Uh-oh. Ran out of piggies.
Eh, what's up, Doc? Jumpin' without a parachute? Kinda dangerous, ain't it?
- Yeah. - Yeah. You could get killed.
- You guys got a spare? - Uh, Bugs does.
- Yeah? - Yeah, but I don't think you want it.
- I do! I do! Give it to me! - Gee, uh, huh, better let him have it, Bugs.
Okay, Doc. Whatever you say. Here's the spare.
Thank you.
Ah, no!
- Ah, poor fella. - Yeah. Ain't I a stinker?
My man!
Come to Leena!
Toons. Gets 'em every time.
- Gesundheit. - Thank you.
Valiant?
I always knew I'd get it in Toontown.
Behind you!
- Drop it, lady! - I just saved your life, and you still don't trust me?
- I don't trust anybody or anything! - Not even your own eyes?
That's the gun that killed R.K. Maroon, and Doom pulled the trigger.
- Doom? - I followed him to the studio, but I was too late to stop him.
That's right! You'll never stop me!
- You're dead! You're both dead! - Doom!
- Which way'd he go? - Well, I don't know.
- Well, he went that-a-way. - Let's go!
- Dum-dums. - Come on. - Yeah.
- Oh, no. Where's Roger? - Roger?
- He chickened out on me back at the studio. - No, he didn't.
I hit him on the head with a frying pan and put him in the trunk so he wouldn't get hurt.
- Makes perfect sense. - We're obviously not going anywhere in my car.
Let's take yours.
I got a feeling somebody already did. Hmm?
From the looks of it, I'd say it was Roger.
My honey bunny was never very good behind the wheel.
- A better lover than a driver, huh? - You'd better believe it, buster.
Uh-oh, it's the weasels. This way!
- We'll take Gingerbread Lane. - No, wait! No, no! Gingerbread Lane's this way.
So, Valiant, you call a cab, or what?
Hubba-hubba-hubba. Allow me, mademoiselle.
So how long have you known it was Doom?
Before poor Marvin Acme was killed, he confided in me...
that Doom wanted to get his hands on Toontown, and he wouldn't stop at anything.
- So he gave you the will for safekeeping. - That's what he told me.
Except when I opened the envelope, there was only a blank piece of paper inside.
- Eh. A joker to the end. - So where to, already?
- My meter�s runnin'! - I have to find my darling husband.
- I'm so worried about him. - Seriously, what do you see in that guy?
He makes me laugh.
I've been dipped!
What an unfortunate accident. Nothing more treacherous than a slippery road...
especially when driving in a maniacal Toon vehicle.
- Good work, boss. - Don't just stand there. Help them.
Put them in my car.
And I think they'll enjoy attending the ribbon cutting at the Acme Factory.
Come on, you mugs.
We searched Valiant, boss. The will ain't on him.
- Then frisk the woman! - I'll handle this one.
Nice booby trap.
- Do they have the will, or not? - Nah, just a stupid love letter. - No matter.
I doubt if that will is gonna show up in the next 15 minutes anyway.
- What happens in the next 15 minutes? - Toontown will be legally mine.
Lock, stock and barrel.
Benny, is that you?
No, it's Shirley Temple! Ah! Oh! Ee!
Jumpin' jeepers! What happened?
Doom grabbed your wife and Valiant and took 'em to the Acme Factory.
The Acme Factory? I know where that is. Get in!
Move over, Rog. You've done enough driving for one night.
Uh, Toontown right on the other side of the wall, boss.
You see, Mr. Valiant, the successful conclusion of this case...
draws the curtains on my career as a jurist in Toontown.
I'm retiring to take a new role in the private sector.
- That wouldn't be Cloverleaf Industries by any chance, huh? - Eh-eh.
You're looking at the sole stockholder.
Benny, you go for the cops. I'm gonna save my wife.
Be careful with that gun. This ain't no cartoon, you know.
This is no way to make a livin'.
Wouldn't you know. Locked.
Can you guess what this is?
Oh, my God! It's dip!
That's right, my dear. Enough to dip Toontown off the face of the Earth!
A vehicle of my own design.
Five thousand gallons of heated dip...
pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon.
Toontown will be erased in a matter of minutes.
I suppose you think no one's going to notice Toontown's disappeared.
Who's got time to wonder what happened to some ridiculous talking mice...
when you're driving by at 75 miles an hour?
What are you talking about? There's no road past Toontown.
Not yet! Several months ago...
I had the good providence to stumble upon this plan of the city council's.
A construction plan of epic proportions.
They're calling it a freeway.
Freeway? What the hell's a freeway?
Eight lanes of shimmering cement running from here to Pasadena.
Smooth, safe, fast.
Traffic jams will be a thing of the past.
So that's why you killed Acme and Maroon? For this freeway?
- I don't get it. - Of course not. You lack vision.
I see a place where people get on and off the freeway.
On and off, off and on, all day and all night!
Soon where Toontown once stood will be a string of gas stations...
inexpensive motels, restaurants that serve rapidly prepared food...
tire salons, automobile dealerships...
and wonderful, wonderful billboards...
reaching as far as the eye can see!
- My God, it'll be beautiful. - Come on!
Nobody's gonna drive this lousy freeway when they can take the Red Car for a nickel.
Oh, they'll drive. They'll have to.
You see, I bought the Red Car so I could dismantle it.
What the...
Okay, nobody move!
All right, weasels, grab some sky or I'll let the judge have it!
- You heard me. I said, drop it. - Roger, darling!
Yes, it's me, my dearest. I'd love to embrace you...
but first I have to satisfy my sense of moral outrage!
Put the gun down, you bucktoothed fool!
That's it, Doom! Give me another excuse to pump you full of lead!
You thought you could get away with it, didn't ya?
Ha! We Toons may act idiotic, but we're not stupid!
We demand justice, but the real meaning of the word...
probably hits you like a ton of bricks!
Roger!
- Roger, say something! - Look, stars!
Ready when you are, Raoul.
Tie the lovebirds together.
Come on, lovebirds. What you want?
Put them up on that hook. Use that escape-proof Toon rope.
Time to kill the rabbit.
Oh, Roger, you were magnificent.
- Was I really? - Better than Goofy.
Roger, darling, I want you to know I love you.
I've loved you more than any woman's ever loved a rabbit.
It's over, Mr. Valiant.
- Look out, you fools! - Not so fast.
One of these days, you idiots are gonna laugh yourselves to death!
Shall I "repose" of him right now, boss?
Let him watch his Toon friends get dipped, then shoot him.
With pleasure.
Everything's funny to you, ain't it, needle nose?
You got a problem with that, Valiant?
Nah.
I just, uh, want you to know something about the guy you're gonna dip!
Now Roger is his name Laughter is his game
Come on, you dope Untie his rope and watch him go insane
- He's lost his mind. - I don't think so.
This singing ain't my line It's tough to make a rhyme
If I get stuck I'm... I'm out of luck I'm, uh... uh...
- I'm running out of time! - Thanks!
Hey, Eddie, keep it up! You're killin' 'em!
You're slayin' 'em! You're knockin' 'em dead!
I'm through with taking falls I'm bouncing off the walls
Without that gun I'd have some fun I'd kick you in the...
- Nose! - Nose? That don't rhyme with "walls"!
No, but this does!
Oh, my goodness!
Jeepers, that was close!
Bye-bye!
Eddie, hurry! It's coming back!
- Oh, no! - This is it!
This isn't it!
Wicked witchcraft
And although I know
It's strictly taboo
When...
Don't move.
No. No!
Oh, no!
Come on, Eddie! Quit playing around!
- P-P-P-P-Please! - Help!
I wasn't worried. Were you?
- Hey, look! - Hey, look!
Holy smoke! He's a Toon!
- Surprised? - Not really.
That lamebrain freeway idea could only be cooked up by a Toon.
Not just any Toon!
Remember me, Eddie?
When I killed your brother, I talked...
just like this!
Jumpin' jeepers.
Oh, my goodness! Oh, no!
Oh! Oh!
Goodbye, my darling. Goodbye!
Oh! I think I'm gonna faint.
Oh, no!
I'm melting!
I'm melting! Melting!
Eddie! Do something!
Hurry up, Eddie!
Do something!
Eddie, there's dip everywhere! How are we gonna get down?
Jeepers, Eddie, that was a close shave.
I thought for sure our goose was cooked!
Oh.
My hero.
- Oh, honey bunny. - Oh, love cup.
Oh, Roger, you were a pillar of strength.
Sister Mary Francis! What the hell happened in here?
I've been a cab for 37 years...
and I've never seen a mess like this!
- What was that, a rubber mask? - Yeah.
And this is the rope from the safe that was dropped on Acme.
I think your lab boys will find that paint's a perfect match.
- Judge Doom killed Marvin Acme. - And R.K. Maroon.
And my brother.
- That's what I call one seriously disturbed Toon. - What's happening?
So, uh, I wonder who he really was.
I'll tell you one thing, Doc. He weren't no rabbit.
- Or a duck. - Or a dog. - Or a little wooden boy.
- Or a sheep. - Or a woodpecker. - Or a pussy.
- What's that? What is that? - It's ink.
That goof Acme squirted me with some the other night.
- Why it's coming out now, I don't know. - Here's your answer, Eddie.
Acme Disappearing Reappearing Ink.
- Boy, that Acme. What a genius! - Applesauce!
If he was such a genius, why didn't he leave his will where we could find it?
Without it, we're just waitin' for another developer's wrecking ball!
- Roger. - Yeah? - That love letter you wrote to your wife...
in the Ink and Paint Club... why don't you read it to her now?
Sure, Eddie. "Dear Jessica, how do I love thee?
Let me count the ways. I, Marvin Acme, of sound mind and body..."
- It's the will! - Give me!
"Do hereby bequeath in perpetuity...
the property known as Toontown...
to those lovable characters, the Toons!"
Hey, Eddie, that was a pretty funny dance you did for the weasels.
Do you think your days of being a sourpuss are over?
- Only time will tell. - Yeah. Well, put it there, pal.
Yeah.
Don't tell me you lost your sense of humor already?
Does this answer your question?
Come on, Roger, let's go home.
I'll bake you a carrot cake.
Smile, darn ya, smile
You know, this old world is a great world after all
Smile, darn ya, smile
And right away watch lady luck pay you a call
Things are never quite as they are painted
Time for you and joy to get acquainted
Okay, ev... m-m-move along. There's nothing else to see.
That's all folks. Hmm.
I like the, uh, sound of that.
That's all, folks!